I rarely write any blogs but i just have to rant. Anyway, my hopes and dreams have been shattered a little, since i was only granted the “wait-list” for WSU’s College of Nursing.
BIG womp. i mean, i had a goood feeling i wasn’t gonna get in this time around, bc it was the harder pool to get in to.. and Spring term (January) is supposedly easier. im jealous. sad. and ashamed. School started on Monday for them, and at the back of my mind i hoped to dear Lord that my phone would ring to receive that call AND i would call the school to see if there was any updates, or status change. Nope. Ok, i knew my chances of getting in were very slim anyway. But people were always reassuring me of the dont worrys, or that waitlist ppl almost always get in, etc etc etc. why does it have to be now when I am on the waitlist, i wasn’t lucky enough. Ok, i don’t mean to sound selfish but i am happy for the students who have gotten that opportunity and decided to go with it.
But, being on the waitlist sucks balls. like, what am i suppose to feel about that? pretty much a rebound for the school. like good but not good enough. ya know? My life was on hold. or pretty much IS on hold. I’ve already re-applied to the program… i guess i feel numb to my luck, i’m just afraid that i’ll never make it. i’ll never reach my goal. i’ll never step foot to any College of nursing. i’ll never have a good career or i’ll never get to make my parents proud. im worried that i’d have to settle for less than what i want. BUT WHAT ELSE DO I WANT TO BE? Nothing. Nothing but that. I want to graduate w/ my BSN. and i want to go back to school to become a nurse practioner. i want to stress in school and feel how it is to be a “nursing student”. all of it. everything. i want to live and embrace it all. I want to work in the hospital. and eventually open up a business of some sort. But, all of that is on hold… all because, im not good enough. it’s ok, i’ll continue to try. i’ll continue to do my best.. and somehow find hope in myself. i’ll pray that i get in this next term.
”It doesn’t matter how long it takes, but what it takes to get there.” Hm, better luck next time. ♥
